Sunday, September 11, 2011

Weightloss road...its so rocky.

I've always been a little thicker than everyone else in high school and growing up. I sometimes was teased and I was always insecure about my weight. Even my family knew, if you really wanted hurt my feeling, they just need to call my fatty. My sister used to always complain I would stretch out her clothes. I was about 150 pounds the last 2 years of high school. I wasn't sooo fat that everyone made fun of me, I am 5'7, But i certainly didn't fit into size 4's like all the other girls. I made up in personality though. I had tons of friends. I wasn't extremely popular but I knew people. Then when I graduated high school, I went and worked for a restaurant and started gaining weight because I would work all day and never packed lunches so I ate the fried and greasy food all day. It wasn't until my supervisor, came over to me and stomped his foot on the ground like a horse and neighed at me, did I realize I was getting thicker and thicker. I know he was teasing me, but I took it literally. That's when I met my now-husband and he was in great shape. I'm talking six pack and chiseled biceps. I needed to do this for me. Not only because I was feeling not great about myself, but also because I worked 18 hour days and my knees would be soooo sore from standing all day. I knew it wasn't just the time I stood on them, but the pressure my weight was putting on them also.

You wouldn't know i was bulimic but most bulimics are not terribly skinny, the just maintain the weight
I decided to start excising and eating right. I began to pack my lunch and snacks. I started to lose weight and it was so motivating. Everyone saw the results, but I was too blind. I unfortunately became bulimic. Not alot of people knew or do know so I guess i find safety within this blog. It was the most depressing thing I have gone through. My whole day was wrapped around when I could find a bathroom to throw up even the tinest bit of food I had eaten. I would have nightmares about losing all my teeth and having holes in my throat. Or fearing I ate to many calories and would wake up feeling so upset with myself. I'd stand in front of the mirror and see all my ribs like my skin was sheet thin and still feel like I still had work to do. I hid it from my boyfriend because I was embarrassed. I didn't want him to know that the reason why I was losing so much weight was because of loss of control and not hard work.

So, finally enough was enough. I was wasting so much money and time on my addiction. I slowly cut it out of my life. By the grace of God, I was able to overcome this and I thank my lucky starts that it didn't tumble more out of control. Some days, I wanted to revert back to it, but I'm so glad to say I'm done with it. I didn't need any ones help or guidance.  Even though I gave up throwing up I was still going to the gym, Everyday. I mean I could not skip a day or I would feel like the whole day was ruined. I was eating less than 900 calories a day because I was afraid to gain the weight back, now that I stopped throwing up. My miracle came when I got pregnant with my daughter. Its forced me to look at how I was eating and why I felt I needed to do what I was doing. I stopped exercising all together, because in my mind, I figured if I can't work out hard, and follow a strict diet then theres no use. Which created a whole new set of problems.  The doctor thought i was eating all day everyday because of how rapidly I was gained weight. The only reason it was packing on was because I had started to eat normally (sometimes bad food) and my body wasn't used to it.
Which leads me to my currently weight and why i want to lose the weight. We want another baby but i want to lose the weight before I gain more. I hope to lose at least 60 pounds. I recently stopped breastfeeding after 10 months. I am motivated to get my body back. Maybe not back to what it was, but a healthy weight is what my goal is. I hope to have this blog so that I can be held accountable. Maybe you want to lose weight or maybe you have lost weight. I know every ones body is different but I hope with tips and stories of success with me, I hope to motivate you. if by only alittle. Good luck. :)

4 comments:

  1. You can do it girl!! Your motivating me too, so thanks love <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tamara, you are beautiful just the way you are! It's great to eat better and exercise to feel better, don't over do it! You are amazing!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hello bumped into your blog ... and decided to follow..... you're so pretty looks like you have a pretty nice goal and eating better is always a way to go....
    Welcome to blog world I invite you to check my blog
    follow me??

    http://glamstyln.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  4. Prissy, Im trying to. When we go visit in Feb, I hope to have lost at least 50 pounds. ;)
    Thanks Bori. Its hard not to over do it when you just start and arent seeing any results. But I have barely started and I know its a lifestyle. Not just a diet. Thanks for the kind words.
    Lizbeth, I am so excited that you started to follow me, and I have checked out your blog and I for sure will follow. You are also very pretty and I love your stlye. You have my dream job. In my dreams, I would have loved to pursue makeup as a career. Good luck and I will be following you!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for taking the time to stop by. I read each & every comment, and reply back when needed. So go ahead & share it below!!♡

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...